why

does it seem
like i can't
do a goddam thing
right

mr. frost

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay

my condolences

haven't written anything in a while.
i've been working on a graduation speech.
i'm sorry.

i hate it
when feelings let you down
i thought this one would
last
would stay strong
for sure this time

guess not.

guess i shouldn't fill my head with stupid notions like that.

NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY

sweet

i genetically modified my veins into super rope
because i want so badly
to satisfy your sweet tooth

start unravelin' baby

my dearest orion..

i want to dance with orion across the night sky in all of his splendor
i want to unbuckle his belt and caress my skin with the row of sweet starlight
so i can feel the wishes, hopes, and dreams of the children everywhere...
the children who still dream about what, to you seems impossible..
or the expired dreams of the children who once thought there was possibility
in absolutely everything.

i want those wishes to sink into my skin,
to flow through my veins

&&finally

i know how yuh feel kid.

i wanna feel this way.

much too desperately.

i want it all around me. i want to feel like im walking on air, floating, if you will.

oh

oh how i want my birthday t come. for some reason i feel like everything is gunna change, but i know its not. oh well. i can still hope i guess. today was a good day, filled with mostly good people. i hope this week passes quickly.. as well as the next 3.. its never good to wish your life away.

also, i wish people could see me for who i really am. im sick of hearing im intimidating. im sick of people thinking i hate them with no incentive. im a nice person. i really am. and it bothers me that i will never get an equal opportunity to make new friends cause i know everyone will never approach me for these reasons. dont judge this book by its cover.

i'm too bright to keep it all in. which is why i type to you. so you can understand, create, and listen.

inspiration > expiration

its quite funny how i write
when my emotions are tearing
down trailor parks.
warm fronts and cold fronts greet,
creating catastrophe.

i write about the livestock spinning
helplessly through my vortex.
i tear their limbs from
their bodies with ink
and the flesh of trees,
with hard drives and keys.

its quite funny how i dismiss
the sapphire skies,
how their importance is minor
and forgettable.
with what i know,
with the lessons i've learned,
disaster is much easier
to express,
to address.

is this the sum of what i know?
no.

from a lifetime of what "not to do"
i shall uncover an era of what "to do"

easy is as easy does

her beauty is recognizedby every hunter.
their rifles and shotguns ache.
they eat her flesh and hang
her head on their wall
of accomplishment.

however i need not cut her
open to see inside.
her being is transluscent.
paper skin is covered with paint
by the artists of standards,
who cut off their ears and give
what perfection should look like.
glass bones and all but viscous blood
which has become relatively dyed water,
reside beneath her fragile epidermis,
which is surprisingly relational to lessons
learned and knowledge.
the thin blood makes her heart
weary, and unaware of
its slow demise.
the prey does not notice.
nor does she seem to care.

one day easy kills will
become less of a thrill.
the huntsman will stop
to admire the beauty
of the beast
that desires to live
alongside him.
the beast that isn't
intimidated by his
human form.
but appreciates
and is intrigued
by his difference.

his wall of accomplishments
will become shamefull.
the willing victims will
remember what their bodies
once were....

their own.

come on love, in case you missed it

when you dance alone

i feel you twisting

in the end

im great to talk to..
you love the way i think
you love the way i act
you love the things i say
but..
im not the one you want to fuck at the end of the day.
so this leaves me...
worthless.

brawr

pretty much sums up my night.

you tell me i have such beautiful eyes..

the light blue is accompanied by a much deeper navy,

in the light of our sun they are a fierce grey

like a storm cloud, which we cherish

because of their beauty, depth, and atmosphere

the silvery cumulus beginnings rid the air

of all negative feeling, and bring a humbled comfortability

today you comment on my iris's nice shade of green..

i forget my beautiful storm clouds..

i focus on the grass on the other side..

and how its reflection is making itself prominent.

tomorrow is december 31st, 2009

my contrivance for when the clock strikes twelve
is different than what you may have come to know,what may have come to be tradition

first i will commence my arrangement by
wishing the floor a happy and most prosperous new year
as the answer of my dearest friends will be delayed
as their lips tell me to "wait just a bit" as they press
against that of their significant other, significant love

i am happy for them
i am enviousi am embarrassed
i am pessimistic
i am alone.. or so my conscience tells me

next i will audition for the part of the happy patron
i will put on my best smile
the kind that beguiles the mind that is elsewhere
i have been practicing.

my pretense does not end here

i then proceed to waltz into the new year
my artifice sweeps me across the dance floor
with grace and what seems to be bliss
ever so smoothly
fred astaire would admire such beauty
however stops me at those who i wish to give my condolences
for possibly making them feel sympathy for my lonliness
for letting my charade not be to its fullest

i tried.
i really did.

as the years pass
i am becoming such a terrible actress



(this by no means is meant to be offensive to my loved friends, i really do wish you the happiest of new years and was also writeen on another blog but i "pasted" it at a later time.. obviously)